Reason I Love Tyler #98

My biggest fear in life is being kidnapped and kept in someone's basement and then having to endure all the tortures that would most likely come with that. It could happen because it does happen. Please tell me you've seen Dateline. The chances of being possessed by a demon or haunted by a poltergeist or bit by a werewolf? Impossible, because that shit isn't real. I have a legit phobia.

I'm also afraid of fucking moths.

Tyler Kills All the Moths That Come Near Me

I can squash my own spiders just fine, but moths...moths are creepy. Moths want to land on your face with their big powdery wings and their fuzzy faces. GAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGG! My mottephobia originated with one look at this nightmare fuel when I was barely three years old:

(Ironically, I didn't even see the movie until I was much older. So I didn't even know the importance moths play in the movie. Or the part where a woman is kidnapped and stuck down a well. Life is funny.)

Like a wise person, I tried to avoid any place that moths might be, say like anywhere near a porch light on a summer's night. But when I started dating Tyler last spring, that changed. He was still smoking in those days and we would spend a lot of time outside. Under the porch light. Where the fucking moths would gather.

I think I tried to be cool, but that didn't last long. My phobia was revealed and so was my cover as a tough chick. Tyler thought it was endearing. And instead of telling me to buck up because moths aren't harmful, he valiantly killed each one that came into the house.

Because Tyler has quit smoking, we won't be hanging out with the door open as much, but I know if one of those furry flapping fuckers makes its way into the house, my man will be there with a hat or a shoe to protect me from its inherent evil.