Dear Tyler #11

Dear Tyler,

I continue to feel good and strong. A great part of my remaining issues has to do with my job and how mentally draining it is for me. Whine, whine, whine. It could be worse. It has been worse. I just don't feel mentally stimulated at work. I spend a third of my day there and I don't feel that I am better for it. I have to focus primarily on the monetary side. I need to do this to get money. It's not just about me. (Believe me, if I was still just paying my own bills, I would have taken so many sick days...)

So fine. I don't like my job. I don't feel "happy" at work, but not many people do. I will continue to go, of course. But I need to do something outside of work to keep me stimulated. And that something is writing.

I have read on some reputable psychology websites (I've been doing that recently) that to have a happy relationship, it's not about giving 100% to your partner but giving 90%. I think this is far more doable and realistic. For example, your game makes you happy. It has nothing to do with me. (Thank you for involving me with the treasure chests, but that's just for fun.) When you come home from work and I sit with you while you game, it's because 1) I haven't seen you all day and I want to spend time with you and 2) For some reason, I seem to think that whenever you are home, I need to be ready to drop whatever I am doing to attend to you.

This is fucking ridiculous and self-imposed, I know that. You don't need me sitting right there. You may like it, but you don't need it. (I'm working on that.)

Just like you have your games to entertain/stimulate you, I need to have the same thing that I do on my own. For me that is writing. The easy solution is for me to write when you are gaming. However, I prefer to write in the morning--start my day off by being productive, puts me in a good mood. I've already accomplished something important to me so while I'm tarrying away at work, it's no longer depressing.

So if writing makes me happy (as a thing separate from spending time with you), I should write. Stop talking about it and do it. Make myself happy. You game. I write. THEN WE'RE ALL HAPPY.

But I love you. I want to be there for you. I want to do my part in making you happy. So I'm asking sincerely...what do you need from me? What do you need from me now, on September 19, 2016, at this point in our relationship? What do you need me to do to make you feel loved and special? Communication. I know that one.(I'm doing it right now!) And obviously the biggies--honesty, no cheating, no abuse. Remember I am an Acts of Service gal, so my first inclination is to find something tangible, something to point at: "See, I made you this sandwich! That means I love you!" But that may not always work for you, and it's certainly not enough. So please, tell me what I can do in addition to what I'm doing now. Or is that enough?

Love,
Jordyn