Today is a New Day

I'll do my best to keep this short.

Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. Tyler and I fought. What started as a texting conversation about reassurance eventually devolved into a wicked downward spiral of pain and anger, which you can blame on me.

But this morning, when I woke after two or three hours of uneven sleep, I felt alive and renewed. I realized today was the first day of the rest of my life. I may have went to bed a crazed, pitiful bitch, but I awoke with a spark of inspiration to do better, be a better person and a better fiancée to the man I love.

One can always do better and try harder.

And how can I be a better, nay the best fiancée I can possibly be? Why, by putting Tyler's happiness before my own, of course. So simple and yet, my bouts of selfishness keep it from happening at a steady rate. I can sit here and work out why: Mostly, I think what I'm doing is enough, even though Tyler has told me he needs more. He needs to hear what I'm thinking. He needs to hear how much I love him. I need to communicate.

I'm not good at communicating. Have you heard of the five love languages? It's this pop psychology theory that everyone has a way they like to give and receive love. To feel loved, Tyler needs Words of Affirmation and not just "I love you" and "You make me so happy." He needs something deeper and stronger such as,  "I am so over the moon, round the bend, bed-wetting, pants-shitting, cross-eyed-knocked-kneed, stupid crazy in love with Tyler that I can hardly believe I was even alive before him. When I'm with him, I'm floating on Cloud Nine in Seventh Heaven, singing Pharell's "Happy", eating a bag of smiley face cookies and drinking rainbow Kool-Aid."

This is how I feel about Tyler--a delirious, other-worldly happy. But I had to write it down to make it clear. I've been known to make the clever cute quip off the cuff, but the deep stuff is much harder for me to articulate. But, aha! I have this blog, the perfect platform. If I would just write it down. Even though I am most comfortable showing my love through Acts of Service (back massages, making sure there's coffee in the morning, etc.), I need to acknowledge and heed Tyler's love language. That's my mission. And what better mission is there to make the man I love feel truly loved?