Dear Tyler,
I am not a victim. I don't intend to play the victim either. I know this is something I didn't address in my previous post...because I didn't have much else to say besides "I am not a victim". I apologize for assuming that role the other night. It was absurd. I acknowledge the absurdity. I don't want to be the victim, either. It is no longer an appealing "role" to me. I want to be "partner".
I know we discussed this earlier, but I will officially release you from your "gag order". It was unfair of me to not release you from it earlier, when I had got my bearings due to my bath tub introspections. I have still been doing them, by the way, albeit with less frequency. I have no better excuse than the water goes cold. And then I'm not relaxed, I'm cold. I found my walk the other day helpful too, Vitamin D and all. But winter is on it's way, so I probably won't be doing that.
I already told you that I have become less "afraid" or "bothered" by arguing between our fight in September and our fight the other night. Part of that is loving myself and knowing no matter what you might say, it won't change how I feel about myself. I am at no one's mercy anymore and that is freeing. Therefore, while I won't be inviting conflict, I'm not going to be afraid of it anymore. So I shall be rolling with the punches.
Love,
Jordyn
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